All my life, for one reason or another, I have odd experiences.
I'm not talking run-of-the-mill "Ohmigod wasn't that, like, so WEIRD?" but honest to god "Holy shit...this is not my life, why did that just happen" type shit.
So I decided, what the hell. I might as well start writing them down.
Bring some joy to livejournal strangers.
If only to make them think, "Thank god I am not Zoe from Bumfuck, America."
Names will all be changed, in order to protect those made fun of.
So here goes.
For a while, the stories will be catch-up style.
So everyone knows what exactly we are dealing with.
(But, I promise I'll post all the new action as soon as it hits me.)
Story Number One.
"My First Handjob"
I had been interested in Whitefro for some time. While participating in our High School's Musical, (Okay, so I was a bit of a music nerd) my interest had been peaked. He was foxy, with fierce blue eyes, an olive complexion and a legit afro. Sort of a white Warrick Brown from CSI. Plus he gave out this badass vibe that I have always been far too attracted to.
There had been flirtation, escalating in a moment backstage when he tried to put a hand down my shirt.
"Wait for the cast party," I had whispered, moments before running onstage for some stupid song and dance routine for the opening night. Preforming for an audience of cast-member families, friends waiting to laugh, and some mentally handicapped community members. One woman my mother sat next to threw-up in her lap, all over her lavender salvation army sweatshirt. She proceeded to sit with vomit coating the cheesy embroidered flowers on the front of the clothing item until Intermission, when she returned sans-sweatshirt.
We were THAT talented.
At any rate, the cast party finally came. And with it, my expectations of a ninth-grade relationship. I tried, unsuccessfully, to catch Whitefro's eye all night. I was beginning to come to terms with my diss, when a long finger beckoned from the corner of the living room.
Let me take a moment to explain the layout of this room. There was a television playing the MGM version of our musical in one corner, the one we were diagonal to. Sprawled across couches, chairs, and floor were fifteen or so fellow cast-members, light crew, and even the odd usher.
There, beneath my best friend MarkFromRent's sleeping bag, hands began to roam. I had had my various horizontal make-out sessions, but none had included inside-the-clothing touching. I was in new territory. My vagina let me know quickly that Whitefro was, also. In a move that would become traditional in my later life, I said something along the lines of,
"How about I touch YOU."
A move that would lead to years of hilarity amongst my friends who heard the story.
As my hands reached deep into the denim cavern and grabbed my first penis, Whitefro's head leaned back and he emitted a loud groan. This was in addition to the numerous rustling noises and semi-whispers between the two of us. In short, the whole room was aware of what was occurring beneath MarkFromRent's sleeping bag cover.
Under Whitefro's careful instruction, I brought him to the brink fairly quickly. Now, any boy reading this story will roll his eyes at what I say next but its TRUE. At this point, ejaculation was just a myth glossed over in health class or the various dirty joke passed around the school. I had never actually experienced the sperm exiting the penis. I didn't know what to expect or what would happen. So when Whitefro leaned over and murmered in my ear,
"Do you think its time to unleash the dragon?"
I was stunned and quickly explained that due to the amount of people surrounding us, and the fact we were under MarkFromRent's sleeping bag there was NO way he would be able to Unleash his motherfucking Dragon near me.
After a few moments bickering, Whitefro excused himself under the pretense of getting a glass of juice. We didnt speak again for 3 years.
Can you blame me? The boy called his jiz "DRAGON."